LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX | Why Women Shouldn’t Have Vibrators

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Now that all those who believe this title was genuine are gathered, it's time for us to have a discussion: Not only should women have vibrators — it is actually a critical act of self-empowerment.

One of my friends — we’ll call her Michelle — broke off a month-long relationship with one of the worst men I’ve ever heard of. Seriously, she usually has pretty good taste, so I’m not sure what came over her, but this man was rude to his mom, narcissistic and critical of nearly all of her interests. Worst of all, he expressed disdain toward Michelle having a vibrator.

Unfortunately, there are lots of romantic partners, mostly men, who harbor insecurities and project negative feelings about their clitoris-having counterparts using vibrators or other sex toys. Their justifications? “If she really liked me, she wouldn’t need that.” “How am I supposed to get her off if she’s used to a robo-penis?” “My dick should be good enough.”

My knee jerk reaction to these attitudes is that I’ve never heard someone with a vagina express concern that they could be replaced by a pocket pussy or Fleshlight — a point writer Tracy Clark Flory highlighted in her 2014 article “7 Reasons Why Men Will Never Be Replaced by Vibrators.” but I digress. Rather than focus on a mass alleviation of insecurity on this topic, I think it’s more productive to give sex-toy users the understanding and communication tools to explain their relationship with those toys and battle insecurity on a one-to-one level.

First and foremost, many vibrators are designed to stimulate clitoral orgasms, which are different from vaginal orgasms reached through penetrative sex. Neither orgasm is better than the other, but women can distinguish between the two: Clitoral orgasms are described as localized and intense, while internal orgasms are described as stronger, longer-lasting, and more “whole body.” Thus, whether consciously or subconsciously, clit-wielders are searching for completely different sensations when they have penetrative sex with a partner versus a vibrator-stimulated orgasm. Being in a committed sexual relationship should not require one to forgo their personal relationship with satisfaction; this is the same reason why I would never ask a male partner to abandon yoinking it. Just because your partner can satisfy you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also be allowed to satisfy yourself; those two things can coexist. Plus, sometimes duty calls when your partner just isn’t around…

Second, vibrators have been around since the 1800s, and no one was worried about them then. In the face of medically diagnosed “hysteria” — sexual frustration — in women, which was characterized by symptoms like anxiety and irritability, doctors figured out that undergoing a “pelvic massage” and reaching “hysterical paroxysm” could miraculously heal the issue… Basically, if doctors made their patient cum, all was resolved. Long story short, medical professionals got tired of using their hands and invented the vibrator.

Because the diagnosis of sexual frustration was purely medical, the treatment was seen as just that: Vibrators were simply medical devices. Stigmas surrounding them as sex toys didn’t begin until they left the doctor’s office and entered the bedroom. So next time your partner expresses concern, tell them that Victorian women, who were presumably also having penetrative sex, could be deemed medically insane if they didn’t receive a periodic bean buzz… Does your partner want you to meet the same fate?

Finally, my biggest argument: Toys are your teammate. As I already mentioned, clitoral and internal orgasms bring unique feelings of satisfaction. Can you imagine combining the two? With a vibrator, that combination not only becomes possible — it becomes easy.

Incorporating a vibrator into your penetrative sex routine can truly result in one of the strongest orgasms known to women, and isn’t that what every partner is shooting for? Let your labia-lover show you what feels good, and learn how to make it happen. I promise, they will associate that climax with an attentive partner, not just a vibrator.

Because the origin of vibrators is rooted in women’s pleasure, it is important to source them from a team that understands. Unbound Babes is a clit-led sexual wellness company based in New York City that specializes in “body-safe vibrators, lubricants, and accessories.” Facilitating pleasure since 2012, they have proven their commitment to empowering the mons pubis, making them more than worthy of being your resource for exploring your own, solo or with a partner. I’m so proud to be working with this great team, and if you use my code LETSTALKABOUTSEX at checkout, you’ll receive 15 percent off orders over $35. Happy vibes!