LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX | Who Is Allowed To Say "Cunt/y?"
Why are we reclaiming words and who is allowed to reclaim them?
It’s no question that we’ve entered an era of linguistic reclamation. Groups on all ends of the spectrum are reappropriating historically oppressive words or phrases and reintroducing them to everyday vernacular. While this is a widespread phenomenon, it’s concentrated in young women, and it’s happening fast: In my lifetime alone I’ve watched pussy transform from a word that would have landed me with metaphorical (or literal) soap in my mouth – I can’t believe you’d use that word – to one deemed completely appropriate in casual conversation as long as it's used in the proper context. My mom lands in the former group of attitudes toward pussy, and my college friends in the latter. These changes are happening over a single generation, which makes them all the more difficult to navigate.
The same transformation is happening with the word cunt, arguably more danced around than pussy, via the reappropriating of cunty. But who is allowed to say it, how, and why?
Before we dive into the specific reclaiming of cunt, it’s important to understand the power and methodology behind word reclamation.
The most critical element of reappropriating once harmful language is that it must begin with the historical target group. For example, no straight person could have woken up and decided to reclaim the f-slur, because the word was never theirs to begin with. Reclamation begins with the previous target, then gradually spreads to the general populace.
On the same note, reclamation is important because it repurposes hate into empowerment. The LGBTQIA+ community reappropriating the f-slur takes a word once steeped in bigotry and re-marinades it in proud, secure identity.
So, in terms of cunt… The history of the word is blatantly negative. Wikipedia still defines it as “a vulgar word for the vulva,” or “a disparaging and obscene term for a woman.” But the anatomical root of the word is the vagina, and why should that be synonymous with obscene?
Short answer: It shouldn’t. So women of today – myself included – have taken it upon themselves to rewrite the subtext of cunt to mean something awesome instead of something icky: something cunty. And we’re doing a great job; as early as 2021, Urban Dictionary began redefining cunty as “sexy,” “iconic,” and “bad bitch-esque.”
Our mission has been so successful, in fact, that the word is becoming mainstream lingo beyond the original “historical target group” I mentioned earlier; it’s even made it to the frat boys. That said, we are at a critical moment in the reappropriating of cunty where, although it is being reintroduced with a new, positive subtext, there are still some who use it with its historical, derogatory undertones, which is why we must discuss who can use the term.
My answer is this: Anyone can say cunty, but there is a caveat. If you don’t have a cunt or physically identify with the historical oppression of women, you must be willing and able to explain and defend its reclamation. In other words, if you're a boy and you want to say cunty, you have to be ready to explain everything I just explained.
This includes being an active advocate for the historical target group. If you find yourself around someone using cunt/y in its outdated, derogatory definition, it is your duty to recognize the difference and correct them. If you can’t do that, you can’t use the word.
I’ll provide a situational example:
Say you find yourself in a group setting and use cunty to describe someone’s outfit, demeanor, etc. Later, another person in the group refers to someone they don’t like as a cunt. In that moment, it is your responsibility to call that person out on their misuse of the word and explain how their dated definition is incorrect and harmful.
Calling out your friends can be intimidating, and it is perfectly reasonable to recognize that you aren’t capable of doing so. But if you're not secure enough to defend the reclamation of a word, you haven’t earned the right to use it. Consider this before you add any form of reclaimed hate speech to your vocabulary.
The final facet of who can say cunt/y is a matter of self reflection: How do you treat women?
Unfortunately, there are people who are capable of using cunty properly, defending its woke definition, and posing as fierce feminists, but at their cores, treat women like shit. If this is you, don’t lie to yourself; using cunty is still bigoted, appropriative manipulation.
In summary, if you have a cunt or identify with the cunt, green light. You can say it. If you don’t fall into that category and you want to say cunt/y, you must (1) use the word in its proper reclaimed context, (2) stand up to and educate those who use it improperly, and (3) actually treat women with respect, including behind closed doors.
With that, I urge all to go forth with new confidence and knowledge, continue to re-immerse reappropriated language and, most importantly, stay cunty.
Grace Elmore is a 2025 graduate of Cornell University. Grace and her column can be found on Instagram @graace.elmoree Let’s Talk About Sex runs on alternate Thursdays(ish).