LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX | What To Do About Running Into “OPs” After College

The protocol for running into an old flame after graduation

It’s been exactly one week since I embarked on the robed walk, which transformed my peers and me from Cornell students to alumni. In that week, nearly everyone I’ve spent the past four years with has fled to pursue futures beyond Ithaca. Friends who were once neighbors and roommates are now flights away, campus crushes we never worked up the courage to speak to are seemingly lost forever, and fan-favorite Collegetown bartenders have ended their service careers in favor of other, more corporate prospects.

Sadness recognized, one aspect of this mass exodus can be seen as an extreme positive: Our sneaky links, ex-partners, and old situationships are no longer lurking around every corner, lying in wait for yet another awkward interaction or blatantly obvious attempt at avoidance.

As relieving as this may feel, fate has a funny way of playing tricks on us, and it's worth considering that senior week may not be the last time you see an old flame, especially if you’re one of the thousands of graduates who flock to New York City. So, now that we’ve blossomed into seasoned, educated Cornellians, one question remains: What is the protocol for running into an OP after college?

When running into an old parner, there are two main pieces of context to consider: what role did that person play in your life when they were a part of it (a one-night stand, friend with benefits, or long-term partner), and where are you running into them (on the street, at a social event, or in a professional setting). Every combination of these options requires unique mental preparation and execution, thus, it is critical to address them individually:

One-Night Stands

I begin with the one-night stand because I find those run-ins easily tackleable with one rule: Pretend you’ve never met, or lie — believably — about how you know each other. Granted, this is a risky game; If parties are not on the same page, the interaction could end even more awkwardly, but I believe the risk is worth it.

Let me be clear, there is no realistic caveat to this rule in a professional setting. Nobody wants to explain to their boss or coworkers mid-cocktail hour that they actually have met so-and-so before, because they shared a sweaty and possibly drunken night in a fraternity annex two years ago and saw each other’s genitalia. It’s safer and more comfortable for everyone involved to accept the reintroduction and let recognition go unspoken.

In public or social settings, one-night stands are free game. Whether you say hello or completely ignore each other shouldn’t matter much. The exception to my “playing stranger” tactic is if you’d like to turn your once-fleeting lover into an actual friend (or something more). This is a delicate balance, because the thing about one-night stands is that we don’t know them well. Sex — even good sex —doesn’t equate to platonic compatibility, even if our brains trick us into believing it does. The only safe one-night stand to friendship pipeline I can imagine is if you’re reintroduced by a mutual friend who thinks you’d be compatible. Tread carefully.

Friends-With-Benefits

Next is where things start to get complicated: A run-in with a former friend-with-benefits (FWB). In a perfect world, an FWB situation ends with flawless amicability, and unexpected meetings feel no different from seeing an old friend. But, as I’ve written about before, I don’t think this FWB end is realistically possible. Someone catches feelings, someone loses interest, and no matter what, one party always gets hurt, which makes seeing each other again awkward with a side of pain and lack of closure. Because of this, I believe the best way to tackle meet-ups is as quickly and painlessly as possible. Keep it professional, keep it brief, and move along.

If you see them on the street, nothing more than a facial acknowledgment and maybe a quick hello is necessary; In social settings, lean on other friends (bonus points if it's a friend who understands the history at play); In a work environment, be cordial, and network with the other side of the room. This may seem excessive, but it will avoid opening up old wounds for whichever party left the situation feeling slighted.

Long-Term Partners

Finally, the most cumbersome and situationally dependent run-in of all: The unexpected sight of an old love. This one is a headache, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone; truthfully, the only way seeing an old partner goes well is if it's planned and executed very carefully. But unfortunately, we live in a world where running into someone you once loved on the street in Manhattan or at an airport in LA isn’t unrealistic, so it is critical to be mentally prepared.

The biggest distinction to consider is how the relationship in question ended and whether there is still mutual respect between the parties.

If your love fizzled naturally and outgrowing each other was a peaceful process, unexpected run-ins need not feel gut-wrenching. When a relationship ends but respect for what was had remains, it's easy to say a quick hi, how are you? I hope you’re doing well.

Ultimately, you probably won’t find yourself being mistakenly introduced to an old flame, but in the unlikely event that this occurs, it’s completely reasonable to be cordial. In a professional or social setting, my best advice is this: Don’t pretend you’re strangers. Maybe even trickle, “Oh, we actually dated once upon a time,” into conversation. This is smart for two reasons: (1) Even if you try to hide it, those around you will sense history, and it's better to come clean than to leave people guessing what that history is (especially in a professional setting). (2) There is a good chance someone else will know about your intertwined pasts and share the information with others; It’s much weirder to find out that you accidentally introduced an old couple after the fact than to find out directly from the source and laugh it off.

Last but certainly not least, the dooziest of them all: If a love ended badly, I believe the best option is to pray that you don’t run into them. If you do, hold your breath, count to ten, and try to suppress rage, tears, or any other gut reactions you’re tempted by. If I had the answer for how to make seeing someone who broke your heart easier, I’d probably be super rich and on Oprah, but here we are…

Graduating means we don’t have to worry about sneaking around bars or keeping tabs on which parties to avoid, because our ops are no longer concentrated in Ithaca. Unfortunately, it also means that the whole world is now a playground for ex-lovers. Stay safe, be mentally prepared, and best of luck to you.

Grace Elmore is a 2025 graduate of Cornell University. Grace and her column can be found on Instagram @graace.elmoree Let’s Talk About Sex runs on alternate Thursdays(ish).